2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
