it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
