If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
