i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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