If that was your dad, he is hot
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
