I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
