half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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