Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
