Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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