he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
