Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
