Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
