my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i think my cat just said my name.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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