i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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