I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
