Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
