he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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