she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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