If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
