well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize