yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm sobbing to NWA
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
