You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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