Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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