I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
