you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Alive.
So much puke
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
