i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
