Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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