And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
