bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
