I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
