Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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