Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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