I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
