I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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