mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
