I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
