If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
