proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
