I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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