Where is the hickey?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
