just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We have so much sex to catch up on
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
