Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
