he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
