WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
false alarm. still invincible.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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