You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
