he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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