I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
