I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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