you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
