Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh god it's open bar.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
