in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
