My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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