My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
