Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
