You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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