Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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