It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So much rum. So many feels.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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