Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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