He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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