she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
