first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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