are you still at the devil's house?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
