dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
