well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
