Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
