but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
