You don't have asthma, your pregnant
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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