I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
