I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize