I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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