I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
