I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
